limbo

For the past week, I feel like I'm on this little schooner bobbing up and down on temperate waves at sea under cloudy skies with faint rays nursing a sore neck and a throbbing eyeball.

That about sums it up.

I don't know if they'll renew the contract on my terms but in any case I let the dice rest where it rolls. I'm just not dizzy with expectation anymore.

They've got plans worked out with me in the big picture next year and while I appreciate the candour (or maybe just patronising?) in including me in the works, frankly I'm just not quite keen anymore or looking forward to dealing up close and personal with management and the mountain of work behind me threatening to topple and overwhelm any moment, which I am already foreseeing and partially living it. For starters, the thought of having to steer the monstrous annual report after watching one of my colleagues labouring over that protractedly painful birth for 9 whole months - literally, no puns intended - driven to distraction and stressful bits is enough.

So in lieu of my reaction the new boss comes by after everyone's gone home and gives a vague pep talk and another day the colleague tries to prep you up, trying to make you see 'the light', as chalking up for that 'career advancement in the resume', and all that jazz speech.

In the face of their attempts, I smile wanely and nod and twitch the corner of my mouth and roll my eyes in my mind.

Whatever.

For the past few nights, I've been unconsciously recapping some PageMaker and InDesign functions and vaguely recalling some editing preparation steps. And thinking of my editor friends a lot more than I usually would...

I'll see what the next month brings.

(Like another trip back to the Mask for a neck and shoulder massage would be sweet...)