sucky worst of times, simply best of days (the best bunch of delegates)

The boss and managers have been an absofuckinglute daymare. Work became such a bloody bitch.

Despite all the talk and clearing the air, despite all the siding from the boss's bosses with us executives, you simply can't teach fucking old civil service dogs new tricks.

Despite all the supposed remarks about doing the right thing and peak periods that need to be tied over, the lull period just never seem to appear. Just peak after fucking draining peak.

Despite the fact that I'm already drowned, not drowning, in programme after programme and close to flipping the PC over and walking off, they still pile on more programmes on you without the slightest bother or care.

Despite the fact that I'm already handling a dynamic fully packed 2 week programme endlessly running in and out of the office and around the campus looking after my delegates and officials like some headless duck and squeezing drippings of time to clear emails and more work, I'm expecting to manage an even more intimidating programme that involves ASEAN member countries and it's happening like NEXT TUESDAY and NOTHING is FUCKING DONE yet... "You're the MAIN guy for the next one you know (and the next next after that, in case you don't even bother to know, you fucking shrivelled piece of male cunt) , even though you're like this close to falling off the earth with exhaution with the present programme, I EXPECT you to attend the Friday meeting and manage it YOURSELF."

And that was after week after week of programmes. With their barefaced lying, "It's just one more, next month will be slow..." That was said before another 2 and 3 and 4 more little nonsensical profit losing programmes came about and you fucking just took them in without even bothering to consider our load and schedule.

Fuck. You.

Justgofuckyourselfwitharustedpole.

Thenfuckyourmotherwithityouassholefucker.

These are classic old civil service deadwood rabid dogs who just trample on younger talent and resource like dried leaves. If there's a case of blatant human rights abuse and gross labour law infringement, mine deserves a full chapter Case Study.

Am sooo woebegone with apathy and disinterest now with the assholes who are the laughing stocks heading a supposedly glam division, I just give an automatonic yes to whatever nonsense they tag on me.

Just feel like a coconut husk right now.

You can't break or crack me. I'm just totally dried and losing strands of interest and dedication.

And things will not abade. And things will just get worst. And things will just never change. At all. Period. Unless we leave, I guess. Then, those managers and the boss will just have to do the fucking shit themselves for a while.

And then things might just go back to the same start. Only with new innocent idiots, that's all.

* * * * *

And so things hit rock bottom and will go even deeper, what with next Tuesday timebomb just waiting to explode in my face.

You know the feeling where you think and wonder and worry and run work over and over in your brains sooo much and you get so tired and weary that you reach a point where an actual panic situation happens and you lose the ability to even worry at all.

I don't think it's nonchalance (conscious or self-willed or automatic), it's just that the body and mind and spirit can't even bring itself to panic anymore.

And so with that guillotine looming over my near to imploding head, I went for the farewell dinner hours ago for Alice, a division head which some good division folks (namely because I'm pals with Beng, I think) have so graciously invited me to, even though I'm not an active part of their division.

So me, Sharon and Jas trooped famously late into the swanky Chinese restaurant for tonic dinner at VivoCity. Along the way, still thinking about work next week and devil knows what else which I can't help and don't know why. And my delegates whom I'm supposed to meet at St James for their social programme later on.

And had the most expensive tonic delicacy Chinese dinner I've ever tasted. Think the company made the food all the better too as I felt very at ease (or was it the numbness and fatigue from work?). The wit and humour was divine and spontaneous and I felt nice and yet bothered, of two minds about other things at the same time.

And then, there was the impromptu birthday surprise which they were throwing for their ex-colleague and graciously included moi in. Tiramisu never tasted better. Of course, I had to suffer their ribbing and jokes but I was too touched and taken by surprise to know how to react so I just smiled and laughed like the village idiot and felt thankful while we snapped and shared the birthday song (how cheesy but so sweet of them). Felt so like I was stealing the thunder from the actual birthday girl. Shit, she even shared half of her marzipan with me and I don't even know her or got her name!

And of course, there's the fun dessert where you have to work your arms, legs and agility for before you can even eat it! It was basically the reason why they chose this restaurant as they warned 'desserts' gonna be a messy affair'. Not too bad lah, just tiring man, gosh...

And in retrospect that's just the appetiser.

The main was at St James.

Bade farewell to the dinner folks and trooped to Carl's to walk with colleague and a delegate to St James. Hormoz is from Iran and the taciturn sort whom you could kill a cat in front of him and he won't bade an eye... So we made small talk on the way but was beginning to think 'this is gonna be a looong dreary night'.

Boy was I wrong.

It was the shortest and most delightful night out drinking and dancing and having fun with a bunch of people - foreigners, no less - I've ever had.

And man, you really see the real colours and otherside natures of people in different lights (pun intended).

I can NEVER dance for shit, I'm stiff as a pole, have 2 left feet and never bothered to. I just like the alcohol and the music pounding and massaging my chest feeling. But this group of peeps I took a liking to and felt very comfortable with. And when I saw how Hormoz, this thin Iranian, started jiving in his off tuned, off sync manner, without the slightest bother in the world in front of ALLL those young punks (who are, ironically standing stock still while the music is pounding the eardrums, god knows why), my jaws just DROPPED and I just couldn't stop smiling (I didn't laugh, I'm not mean, I know I can't do it for nuts too!). And there was Joan, this short and intimidating looking Jamaican with a dry sharp wit who moves like a groovy R&B mama. And there's Tashi from Bhutan, in a real funky young T, a bit lacking in coordination but just joining in the fun nonetheless. Jaqueline danced sensuously with her Romanian ease. Fabricio heated up the floor with Guatemalan steps. Even Akaki, the first Georgian to attend our MFA training programme in Singapore, very shy at first, made brave tentative twists eventually. And then, there's Joseph who was a bit too stock and stately a the beginning but he's from Seychelles so maybe they take time to warm up. Luis was positively wild with his Angolan flair. Eleanore is a bit into her age and stood throughout due to her bad leg but the little Filippina was game in joining the company nonetheless. And rounding off was Alyssa, the dancing queen of a colleague who's the party animal who brought all of us together tonight.

Truly, they've got to be my favourite group of delegates, among all those I've taken and managed.

And needless to say, I felt like dancing after a while and didn't care how uncoordinated I might be and so I did.

And I truly enjoyed myself.

And even though I'm like thinking, it's the therapeutic balm that came too early before the pile of horrible shit hits the face tomorrow and come next Monday, the calm before the relentless wave of mental destruction, but at least it happened and I slathered it all over my body and took in as much as I could.

The feeling as I took a cab home felt like that nice shower after a hard hot day, that mouth of delicious creamy ice cream, that brush of cooling breeze on the face.

It felt like that slow spread of happiness in a year concentrated into a tightfisted lump of sugary bliss savoured and gone in 5 short hours...

I'm going to be miserable from tomorrow on till the rest of the month, but for now, I'm utterly glad I had this.